smells like summer^

smells like summer^ by ^_bittersweet_^ featuring a straw hat

white flag

It's been a while since the last time i wrote something about my life. Well, i was waiting for something to push me to my limits and,,, it happened. Today morning. I'm not anymore welcome to my house. It's not mine actually but I'm not gonna spent my time explaining bullshits. I know things have gone pretty messed up and I'm also one of the guilties. But this time, I'm not going to fix it. NO. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. This time, I'm leaving by my self. I can't make more mistakes. I'm free. I don't care anymore. I can't care. The last time I went so deep into this thing that I almost kill my self. Not again. I have to leave. I'm pretty sure E. will be glad with his option. 
So I'm sitting here on this room that carried me for some time, but I know I don't belong in here. This isn't my home. This isn't my place. I cannot feel safe here anymore. They don't want me and so I don't want them. I'm free spirit person. I don't belong to anyone. And freedom has a price, you know. This one when you are homeshic for a place you have no idea where it is or even  if it is real. You miss someone you are not sure if you know or ever knew. 
At least I have my cigarettes :)


And this is me, ready for changes. And everything will be okay in the end. If its not okay its not the end. 




I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be...

Just a little taste of... summer,,!

I'm really insecure about everything. I never thing I'm worthy of anything. I have a sick feeling about being mocked all the time. Self-loathing doesn't keep me from being happy. But that doesn't mean I don't struggle. I am very vulnerable. I'm emotionally unpredictable. 

see you at the bitter end

   Maybe I'm born to walk always on the wild side. The hard one. When nothing is able to come in my life without being at first so difficult to reach it. And maybe now it's seems so fascinating to know that for everything I'm going to get I'll have to give a fight but it's not so easy. It doesn't matter how strong you are, you'll always gonna need someone beside you. And I feel alone, I know though I have some magnificent, beautiful people around me and they care about me, sometimes it doesn't feel enough.. Something is missing and it's absence is everywhere I look. 

Tυnnεl,,,

    There are times we don't know what are we feeling. We have the sense that we are completely messed up. This is where I am right now, even though some things just started to feel like their getting under control, I cannot feel safe because is like something else which is very important is missing.. Maybe all I have to do is take control and do what I feel right to do. But I am not alone in this world, there are other people around me and for their personal reasons they denay to take their responsibilities so my point is, how can I fix everything by my self? 
   Although, I had a though yesterday. What if it's me the one who is denaying to see how much effort they are doing because I'm waiting for something perfect and they can't give it to me from the first step. Or maybe we are both equal guilty. About my position, I know some times I built walls around me. Is not because I don't like people, it has to do with my fear of losing them or getting hurt (again). I have seen a lot of things in my fife, actually I've been through them and I know it's impossible not to be suffering again, I know I will, I just don't want to bring it on to my self. I'm also afraid that it could be me the one who's hurting everyone.. I really don't know what to do,,! 
   I miss the summertime.. when everything seems so easy and peaceful. I can't wait.. I hope until then I will have find out what I got to do.. There is always light in the end of the tunnel..
<3 

some colours..,,

just me..,

rag and bones

if you want something,,

WORK for it.