that's me..

 Oh well... We all have thought about that? Should I love? Should I stay off this because it's not safe for me..? I'm asking my self all the time what should I do for being good enough.. Be thinner? Be blonde? I was and thinner and blonde but nothing ever happend! I've never been what I wanted to be: loved. Maybe I choose the wrong person. A very good friend today told me that if he dosn't want to get to know me, he is not good enough for me. I want to believe this so much! I need to!
 They say love hurts, but is not actually the love that hurts. Love heals. Rejection hurts, loss hurts etc.. But why then our hearts get broken so usually? Is it our falt? Love the wrong person? Or it's the other's person falt who doesn't love us back? Maybe is just fate. Although it's good to love for everything you will feel. It's worth it! But when you have been broken-hearted you are so tired to keep holdin in love and you are giving up being afraid of the choices your own heart makes. 
 Is it possible to feel things for someone you barely know? And is it possible for this person to hurt you when he barely know you too? 
 I saw a guy a few weeks ago and from the first sight my heart stoped. It's like I know him but the same time he is all new to me. What should I do? I'm so scared....

some good things ;)

close all the chapters of your life with a smile

 I want to be a writer, so I see my life as a book, hopefully more than one. When someone is breaking your heart you need strengh to find the pieces and keep your self together. But the real power is to be able to forgive the person who broke you. And when you do, a smile appears in your face and then this painful chapter is writen and the last line is filled by hope. 


Always. 

bittersweet symphony,,

Well, I was away for some days.. Now I am here again and I have no idea if I am ready to face the reality. I feel like everything is too much. I don't know what I am waiting for, maybe for something to give some meaning in this life I am living..  They say I am selfish and espesialy the most selfish person they know.. I don't care though because I know that I am not.. When I am asking for something, inside me I am dying from guilts when I know that I am asking more that I deserve. I think I don't deserve anything by the way.. So I'm gonna live with it if I can't change it. 
I spend the most of my weekend watching 'vampire diaries' and 'skins'. Two totally different worlds insibe my head. I wasn't in mood for anything else so I didn't ;). 
I gave five minuits of my day today to think if I could leave, where I could go? And I end up somewhere with rainy weather, tons of green and woods you could easily get lost.. I would carry with me my camera, a lot of books, my favorite notebook and a pen so I could write on it, some money to buy cocacola zero, my mp3 and some clothes. There other basic things though that I am not in possition to remember them now. But who cares..?
Some weeks ago I was feeling totally shit, I don't feel better but I feel stronger to deal with it. But I am afraid it's not gonna stay here for a long time, it's okay. Scares me a little bit because I feel safe whan all this darkness comes again. Safe in a strange way, like I now who I am then and that there is nothing worse to happen.. I only want to feel free for a while. I know, maybe I have to wait but I can't. I don't have anything to say it's worth it to stay here strong, alive. It's actually like I have already died. One part of me died and the other part stayed here to watch what the dead part is missing. Nothing important. People judging with no right, feelingless. There are "people" who thing they have any right to judge the others and they consider them selves perfect or just better. But in reality they have nothing more or less to make them better or make the others less good. 
 I felt how it is to be the person that's always not good enough. And the funny part is that I almost died fot be close to good. If people care only for what the others say and the never follow their hearts, then for what actually they living for?

Effy, 'skins'

every me, every you

with your own risk :)

Well, its obvious that I cannot control who's looking and who's doesn't looking my blog.
BUT! The reason I made this blog is to express my feelings, my point of view, my thoughts and everything else I want. So, I wont feel guilty because you don't like something or because you read something that you didn't like or because truth is bothering you. I'm sorry but you came in this page by your own risk :)
Thanks 
Myrto

life is black and white,,

save me,,,

What is worth enough to keep you alive? What makes all the people want to live another one day? What makes them eat for give life to themselves? Please tell me, I need to know. 

How many times we haven't concider about how good is death? We always say " Gosh, I wanna die.." for such tiny things? Just because we missed the bus or because we didn't find tickets for a game or a concert? But now for me all these seems extremly unimportant... 

 If I could find something to make me feel alive just for a day... 

They say life is sweet... but I am on no sugar diet...

whatever it takes..

Requim for my dream,,

and this time,,..

 Well, I'm really looking forward to see myself in .... 5 months! I just need so much to change! I became redhair but I am not satisfy, I want something better. Two years ago I met a very important personality, Ms Anorexia. We were such two good friends but 11 months later one other personality named Recovery did its appearence. Anyway recovery helped me only psysical and not mentaly. We will see how it's going to be... 

show me everything I shouldn't know,,

what's special anymore,,,,?

slow motion suicide

Boo Xx

too tired....

Well.. no school today. I stayed in my jamies all day long hearing my favorite song again and again. As Sia was singing 'be my friend, hold me, wrap me up" in my ears I was thinking about how much I need to get rest. 
 I think we all pass through bad days. But why mine are always taking for so long? 
Anyways my life is comlicated and maybe more now but I can't try anymore. I am too tired...

Yeαh, I'm fine, I'm just hαving αn αllergic reαction to the universe....

Sometimes is good to look outside the window just to take your mind away. Like this man... Sales flowers around the streets. But behind him hides pain and sadness.. He left his home and his family. He left everything for something better.. I wish I could bring happines to everyone.. I wish I could bring light and hope.. I wish so many things...........

lets get lost,,

close you mind, open a book...

do you really remember who I used to be....?

Well, today was a medium day. I am not so happy and I have to do the dishes. Shit! I am working on getting a job so I'll be able to rent my own home and also put things on it! I wish today to rain, I love rain. Always makes me feel so much better! Well now, I will close my television, my computer and my world and I will go to my bed to sleep. It's afternoon by the way but I am depressed I need rest. 
 Have you ever felt like you want to die just to go somewhere alone?
Cause, happens to me frequently..

give me the light...

Have you ever been hurt?

I love to feel you around..

Hey!